50th Birthday Poems Jokes

• Your back goes out more than you do.
  
  
• The cardiologist's diet:
  if it tastes good, spit it out.
  - Paulina Borsook
  
  
• You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
  
  
• The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.
  
  
• The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
  
  
• First you forget names,
  then you forget faces,
  then you forget to pull your zipper up,
  then you forget to pull your zipper down.
  - Leo Rosenberg
  
  
• I get up each morning and dust off my wits,
  then pick up the paper and read the"o-bits."
  If my name isn't there, then I know I'm not dead.
  I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed.
  -Anonymous
  
  
• May you live all the days of your life.
  
  
• Your best friend is dating someone half their age ..... and isn't breaking any laws.
  
  
• At my age I don't care if my mind starts to wander- just as long as it comes back again.
  - Mike Knowles
  
  
• Don’t be sad you are another year older… Be grateful for another year lived!!
  
  
• Middle age is when a narrow waist and a broad mind begin to change places.
  - Glenn Dorenbush
  
  
• Growing old is mandatory but growing up is optional.
  
  
• Men are like wine; some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
  
  
• You sing along with the elevator music.
  
  
• When you can finally afford the rings you want, you'd rather no one noticed your hands.
  -Lois Muehl
  
  
• You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
  
  
• Instead of thinking of 50th birthday party ideas, you’re talking about the price of gasoline!
  
  
• You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  
  
• You take a metal detector to the beach.
  
  
• You know you’re getting old when you can’t remember how old you are!
  
  
• You wear black socks with sandals.
  
  
• A man has reached middle age when he is warned to slow down by his doctor instead of the police.
  - Henny Youngman
  
  
• You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
  
  
• You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
  
  
• Inside every older person is a younger person– wondering what the hell happened.
  
  
• When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
  
  
• When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
  
  
• Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
  
  
• You forgot that you already had your 50th birthday.
  
  
• It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
  
  
• Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
  
  
• You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
  
  
• Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot.
  
  
• “He that is not handsome at 20, nor strong at 30, nor rich at 40, nor wise at 50, will never be handsome, strong, rich or wise.” - George Herbert
  
  
• You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
  -Ogden Nash